Bubu
Johnson Consults His Ethical Advisor
UBU: Are we right to behave like this? Hornstrumpot, by our
Green Candle, let us consult our conscience. There it is, in this suitcase, all
covered with cobwebs. It is obvious that it’s of no earthly use. (He opens the
suitcase.
Enter Conscience as a
big fellow in a nightshirt.) CONSCIENCE : Sir, and so forth, be so good as to
take a few notes.
UBU: Excuse me, Sir,
we have no fondness for writing, though we have no doubt that anything you have
to say would be most interesting. And while we’re on the subject, I should like
to know why you have the cheek to appear before us in your shirt?
CONSCIENCE: Sir and so forth, Conscience, like Truth,
usually goes without a shirt. If I have donned one, it is out of respect for
the distinguished audience.
UBU: As for that, Mr. or Mrs. Conscience, you’re kicking up
a great fuss about nothing. Answer this question rather. Should I do well to
kill Mr. Achras who has had the audacity to come and insult me in my own house?
CONSCIENCE: Sir and
so forth, to return good with evil is unworthy of a civilized man. Mr. Achras
has lodged you, Mr. Achras has received you with open arms, and made you free
of his collection of polyhedra, Mr. Achras, and so forth, is a very fine fellow,
quite harmless; it would be cowardly and so forth, to lull a poor old man
incapable of defending himself.
UBU: Hornstrumpot, my
good conscience, are you quite sure he can’t defend himself?
CONSCIENCE: Absolutely, Sir, so it would be a coward’s trick
to make away with him.
UBU : Thank you, Sir,
we shan’t need you any more. Since there’s no risk attached, we shall
assassinate Mr. Achras, and we shall also make a point of consulting you more
frequently, for you know how to give us better advice than we had anticipated.
Now, into the suitcase with you! (He closes it again.)
CONSCIENCE: In which
case, Sir, I think we can leave it at that and so forth, for today.
